A modern take on the stages of love between you and your vibrator, and why so many stop at stage 3

The honeymoon phase

You’ve been researching and looking for the best vibrator which matches your needs. One that will make you feel you’re the only one, that you’re special, that you’re unique.

Ok, let’s say it straight – one that will just get you off.

And so, through endless searches on Google, you finally find it. A few clicks, and it’s yours. It’s cute, or straight up feisty, whatever gets your fancy. He’s all up on your thoughts and you start learning the “Can’t help falling in love” lyrics. In all honesty, the way it makes you feel is truly supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It makes your heart flutter. It makes all of your orgasm dreams come true (pun intended). It makes you cancel dates with your girlfriends (all while understanding Charlotte from Sex and The City, when she discovered her Rabbit and understand why Miranda referenced it by saying “I’m in love”)

It’s fun, it’s exciting….Ok, ok….you get the gist.

The Settling in Stage

After the honeymoon period is over, you’re entering the grounds of settling in. You’re not deliriously jumpy, neither obsessed with it, and you keep singing “Keep falling for you”, but a little softer. You’ve decided to go past and beyond the “trial period” and move in together.

You’ve worked out a little routine together. The madness of that honeymoon phase has cooled off and you’re now more relaxed around one another. Your time together seems more thoughtful and meaningful. You’re not rushing into orgasms. Ok….maybe a few times, here and there, but other than that, you take time to explore your body. What other angles, and positions can bring you to the big O? What time of the day…or night works best.

You get to know each other’s sounds…and the exact water stream intensity needed in the bathroom, so no one can suspect anything. You get to discover a little hack on how to charge it faster, and even give it a name, perhaps. So all in all…you’ve found your feet with each other.

The lead balloon phase, uptick, and savoir-faire

Life is just unraveling itself onto you. Running to dates, handling your children, and work, but also - making sure no one goes hungry or leave without their little socks to kindergarten…and don’t forget the cookies you had to bake for school. Or, maybe those exams that make you pull all-nighters? And don’t forget the L.A.U.N.D.R.Y…that alone will make you go certifiably insane. And yet, somehow, you’re keeping it together.

What happened to the fun-loving girl, that will jump into the shower with her vibrator and get some oxytocin run through that body? (Yes, see…here’s where you need to find out that having an orgasm makes you happy too). And to go from constant murmuring of the “Can’t help falling in love” lyrics to that “thrown in the drawer, somewhere” toy?

This stage makes you seriously question “Why did you ever get it?” or “Do I really need this?...besides, I’m a serious grown-up woman that has serious things to do”.  It makes you wonder if that honeymoon period was even real or if that was even you. Then you start to…perhaps resent that period…and through that, sometimes yourself. Suddenly, you may remember that you’re deeply religious, and “Wait….this is not what I’m supposed to do”.

Or get your own Magda (from Sex and the City) silently shaming you for finding a vibrator in your night drawer and replacing it with a Virgin Mary.

If you’re single, you may even wonder if this toy has stopped you from making the effort of meeting someone. Or if you’ll be able to ever enjoy sex with a man. You may spiral down…and you just can’t be bothered anymore to squeeze in the time. You may even look it up if there is a return date and if you didn’t miss it…Or just forget it in the darkest corner of your closet, under the pile of “I’ll never wear this again”.

The Comfortable Stage

If you didn’t give up on your vibrator, didn’t throw it out or return it (out of guilt, or shame, or loss of interest…) you will be rewarded. You’ve stripped down all the shame and doubt, or all the big expectations you’ve put on it for replacing what’s irreplaceable (and that(!) is different for everybody). You see it for what it is. What it can give you. And what it can’t.

Stage three may bring up a lot of frustration… and stage four just allows you to accept them all and make peace with them.

This acceptance has more the flavor of self-acceptance. For accepting your needs and accept the ways you allow them to be met, without self-reproach or embarrassment.

It’s the stage where you become comfortable suggesting to your partner or lover using it during the foreplay or intercourse…because you know what you like and how you can get to a delicious orgasm.

Unconditional Love

You’re here. Amen!!!

This is it. The final stage when you’ve accepted yourself fully. This is the stage where you’ll be recommending to your girlfriends to try a vibrator, to all the women on Facebook and share a gregarious *review on amazon…because you know what it can do.

More than that, you understand how much love and self-acceptance you need to develop to battle all the societal imposed stigmas around women using vibrators.

Hell, you may even start your own company that makes vibrators or like in Grace & Frankie make what the market is missing - vibrators for elderly women. Because, yes…even women in their 70’s and 80’s want to have Orgasms. And they might not have the flexibility required by a sophisticated vibrator, nor the stamina required for a vibrator bringing you to climax in 20-30 minutes.

But they also want to sing along with you “Can’t help falling in love” to the toy that will make them giggle and their cheeks blush. You do you, boo. But whatever you do, make sure you push through all the “stages of love” and make the best out of it.

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