What is romantic sex?
We drool over movies with scenes of hot-steamy sex with the obligatory shirtless “Magic Mike” type. And while that gets us swooning, for a full minute, dreaming of head-spinning and ripped off clothes sex, it doesn’t create emotional attachment.
Diversity, in a couple’s sexual life, is encouraged by experts. And yet, almost all of them agree that one type of sex is a constant in creating and strengthening the bond between lovers.
Sensual, intensely slow romantic sex has proven to take the cake every time in forming a deeper connection between partners. It makes that connection extend over both, physical and emotional aspects. With time passing, getting more familiar with our partners and movies stating that “Love lasts three years”, it discourages the idea of romantic sex is possible over a long period of time.
More often, it’s women that feel the emotion in the couple trickling through their fingers, making romantic sex obsolete. And while men can still be “happy” with just the physical act, women need the infusion of romanticism to feel the bond with their partner.
How does having romantic sex benefit you?
Romantic sex’ benefits go way beyond the actual act. While you may already know about studies saying that sex increases the immune system and a ton of other health benefits, romantic sex makes the couple connect deeper before and after, in a more meaningful way.
It increases the oxytocin (the happiness hormone) levels, making you both happier and strengthens the bond between partners, surprisingly even more than sex itself, because of the state of mind you’re in when you engage in romantic sex.
Both, the foreplay and the cuddles after are creating a state of mind that physically may even translate into syncing the breaths that become one, which will shoot the levels of oxytocin in your body through the roof. According to some studies, 72% of women find that emotionally charged, romantic sex is more intimate and generates more powerful orgasms then the size of a man’s penis.
It’s also no surprise that when it comes to “the one that got away”, simply having sex with someone else, simply doesn’t cut it. Because when you experience the deep bond created during romantic sex, almost nothing after it can replicate it.
Is romantic sex one of your fantasies?
A few interesting studies have pointed out that a lot of our raw and wild sexual fantasies don’t excite us to the same level when they happen in reality. And truthfully so, when masturbating, our imagination can write lengthy screenplays for rough BDSM scenes, salacious three ways or the outrageously hot next-door neighbour, Sex and the City style.
However, not all fantasies are created equal. Some women crave and dream about romantic sex. And it’s almost the only exception to the fantasy that happens in real life that creates the same, if not more satisfaction, because unfortunately, many women never get to experience romantic sex.
If you’ve experienced it before, then you know what we’re talking about.
If you haven’t or feel that the mundane part of life has taken over and you miss it, here are some suggestions on how you can make it happen with your partner again.
How can you make romantic sex happen?
With time, both, us and our partners change. And what may have worked in the past, may not work in your relationship today. Intimacy sparks differently for couples, yet getting some ideas, will help you see how you can bring back the flame into your romantic sex-filled nights.
1. Try new positions
That rarely eye-on-eye contact, entwined legs, slow body strokes and hugging with the potential promise of orgasm. The focus during romantic sex shall be on deepening the connection with your partner, with orgasm as a bonus, and not necessarily the culmination point. Extremely intimate poses with very slow movements, while just gazing into each other’s eyes, will sunk your bond into a gooey melty hot chocolate like depth. Go for sitting on your partner’s lap, facing him, while he’s crossed legged and with your legs wrapped around him. Or, facing each other, align your half-bent open legs, while sitting on your bum, and leaning back on your hands, get into a rocking stroke movement without rushing it. Positions that allow slowness and deep eye contact are inclined to spark romantic sex, almost without fail.
2. 36 Questions to fall (back) in Love
Go for this New York Times backed 36 questions to either fall in love or strengthen your love part of your foreplay. The culmination point of all the questions is a full 4 minutes of gazing into each other’s eyes, which almost guarantees falling in love with the other person. Preceded your romantic sex with these questions, and then you can slowly and naturally transition into touching and caressing each other and see how this will change your sexperience.
3. Private Dancing
Romantic sex benefits from seeing your partner with an intense desire as it would be for the first time ever. Partners, however, get used to seeing each other’s body, along with feeling that they know everything about the other one. This loses the sense of mystery, that in turn takes away the intensity of the first touch. Taking beginners’ lessons and learning an easy private dance routine has brought raving reviews for a dance studio in Russia where married women, or in long relationship, confessed that they had one of the most intense romantic sex nights after they surprised their partners with a dimmed lights sensual dance routine in a luscious silk gown. It made their partner see them in a new mysterious light while being fully aware that it was all done for them and this is a treasure that’s by their side 24/7.
4. Vulnerable “Pillow Talk”
Quite too often we portray an image that we think our partner would like and then we just have to stick to it, never allowing the other one into the deep intimate desires we have. When we’re vulnerable and open in our desires and wants, and are not judged for them, but hugged and accepted as we are, it creates a level of intimacy that can’t be paired. This, in turn, results in deeply romantic sex by knowing that we are fully accepted, which is a luxury very few have experienced over a lifetime. You can spark the vulnerable pillow talk by revealing yourself some parts first, your own desires, and showing that you trust your partner, and he can do the same. And when both know that they got their soul naked in front of the other person, it makes the experience of romantic sex an ever-present occurrence.
5. Post sex cuddles
A research conducted by University of Toronto, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior states that post-sex cuddles, kissing or affectionate talk make the partners' bond stronger. It can actually spark their romantic feelings more than even sex itself. Especially couples with children, that clearly have less time for romance, have benefited from longer post-sex affection and reported deeper romantic feelings for each other. Increasing the cuddles from 2-3 minutes to 15 minutes were enough to re-spark romance in married couples with children. This resulted later in deeper romantic sex, regardless of its frequency.
Engaging in romantic sex adds deepness into your sexual experience, injects it with pleasure chemicals, that will last up to two days after the intercourse, along with notable health benefits.
If you’d like to make it happen more, add new intimate poses, get creative in your foreplay, get more vulnerable with your partner and talk about your sexual fantasies, and spend more time in each other’s arms after sex.
Romantic sex has proven to hold the power of post-sex afterglow longer than a one-night stand or regular sex. And couples that consciously have romantic sex report higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives and their relationships.
The key to more romantic sex is everything you do around it, before and after. So, while you’re focused on being present during sex itself, remember that the affectionate aspects of sex are equally important for a deeper and more meaningful relationship satisfaction.
And now, get out there and make it happen, you sweet lollipop, you.